Ouch that hurt! Forgiveness.
Light For Life October 2004
Forgiveness is something that I sometimes take for granted and don’t really think too much about. It's not so much me asking for forgiveness that I forget, but actually forgiving others! I am a fairly forgiving person and so I automatically feel as if I have forgiven people, going into this mode out of habit rather than forgiving on purpose anyway.
I started thinking about this because of discussion with my kids. Being the regular parents that we are, we are always speaking to our sons about different areas of their lives. It might be folding up their clothes or turning off the television, but as with all kids there is always something. We have been speaking to them about tone of voice, about speaking nicely and how to ask for things and respond to instructions. They tended to snap a lot and answers came out of their mouths in a gruff way, which is not acceptable. As emerging teenagers it is something that is important to get in order. It seems we have been speaking about this for a long time but with only periods of change. We would talk and then things would right themselves for a season and then slip back again. The intention was always good and I could see that efforts were being made toward trying to change but I wondered why we were not seeing lasting change.
One morning we had another one of those grumpy conversations with one of them, which can be normal for kids at this hormonal stage, but it is still no excuse for bad behaviour. As we talked, all of a sudden I realised he needed to forgive us! This is why we had not seem long term change! The 'forgiveness' was not because we have done anything wrong or bad, but because our requests made him angry and so he had internalized his feelings of anger and these had turned to resentment. As we talked, I explained to him how bad feelings that are left alone on the inside of us fester. When we forgive we release people and burdens and that is very important for us, not just the other person.
A few days later I saw another pattern emerging to do with another relationship. I again realised that forgiveness was an issue here; and not because the other person has actually done anything wrong, it was because an 'apple cart' had been upset, things were made difficult, something was required of us and we were peeved!
I often ask for forgiveness, but I don’t often think to pray and say ‘Lord, I forgive such and such, who said something stupid and insensitive to me today and hurt me’. I didn’t think I held grudges! I usually feel annoyed or upset and then work through it, rationalizing it, by saying something like, ‘Oh well, she had no idea, she tends to put her foot in her mouth sometimes, she didn’t hear what she said to you from your side, Lord help me to let it pass'.
Is this actually forgiveness? Working through something till you feel ok is not necessarily forgiving them! After I had talked to my boys about forgiveness several times in a few days, I realised that I too carry these feelings that cause me to react to people in the wrong way. I needed and need to forgive. One of the tell tale signs that you need to forgive can be the sentence that you replay over and over again in your mind and you just can't get past it and let it go.
Is this ringing any bells for you? Perhaps there are people coming to your mind right now that have hurt or upset you, perhaps they have been insensitive and you have let it get down on the inside of you and cause you to ‘react’ to them. Now when something happens to me and I feel hurt, I am trying to be more aware of actually saying ‘Lord I forgive him/her, I don’t hold that against them’. With your sacrifice I wipe that hurt or offence off the board. I hold no scores!’
Who do you need to forgive and release today?
Bless you
Cam
Word For Life
Forgiving:
To do a favour, show kindness unconditionally, give freely, grant forgiveness, forgive freely.
To say or feel that one is no longer angry about and/or wishing to give punishment to someone for something.
God’s Word
Colossians 3:13
Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you must also do.
