Can I forgive me?
Light For Life November 2004
Do you ever struggle with forgiveness? Specifically forgiving ‘you’? I do. Last month I wrote about forgiving others on purpose, I had not planned to write about ‘forgiving myself’ or ' forgiving yourself' this month, but this follows on from that message and its worthwhile considering.
John 3:30 says “He must increase and I must decrease’. How this plays out in our lives, if we take up the challenge may not be all easy or pleasant. This year more than ever, I have been so confronted with my humanity, and that’s why I am feeling so yucky, at what seems every turn. It feels like I am on the increase, not decrease, but really it is the magnifying glass of God’s Light. Every stinking attitude, bad motivation, hurtful word, selfish decision is unveiling before my eyes and it is pretty hard to take for someone who thought she wasn’t doing too bad! The further I walk towards God, the more the holiness of God scrutinizes every area. It is not something that He inflicts on me, it is my choice to walk towards this holiness, it is my desire, and you know what happens when you walk towards the light – all the dirt shows up!
I find it difficult to forgive myself at times, at least recently I have. Perhaps its because I think I should know better; but then God is just reminding me that I am ‘only human’. But Lord, I can think of instances where I feel I have made the bad choices or I have not chosen correctly, isn’t that wilful? Strange as it might sound, sometimes I don’t even feel as if I am moving forward, sometimes I feel I am moving backwards. Am I a Christian at all?
Thing is, I need to forgive me to move forward. I think the key is I need to be willing to let go of things like the way I feel about myself, and that can be a process. If I don’t let go, one thing is for sure, round and round a mountain I will go. I am not perfect and in this lifetime I will never be, but when that imperfection rises to the surface, if I can face it and be willing to let go of it to God then I can keep moving forward.
I read a scripture today that really relates to all this, it gives me some peace in learning to forgive and accept myself in the face of this weakness. Psalm 51:16-17 – ‘For you do not require sacrifice or else I would give it; you do not delight in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit and a contrite heart – these, O God, You will not despise’.
God wants us all to know that the main thing we all we need to have is a broken spirit – humble and repenting. I think we have a broken spirit when we have seen the truth and are changed by it. This is all we can do, and then forgiving ourselves is a matter of grace, of choice and of discipline; after all these flaws are no surprise to our Father who has, and always will love us unconditionally. When I get a grip of that, it frees me up from thinking that this is something new in my life. It is not new, it has probably always been there.
In deciding to hold onto unforgiveness, shame and condemnation we are hindering the work of God in our lives and preventing the flow of the good things He wants to give us. Can we join each other in forgiving ourselves? - Lets make God's job a little easier!
Bless you
Cam
Word For Life
Contrite:
Feeling or expressing pain or sorrow for sins or offences.
Feeling regret for a fault or offence.
God’s Word
Psalm 51:16-17
‘For you do not require sacrifice or else I would give it; you do not delight in burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit and a contrite heart – these, O God, You will not despise’.
