Can I forgive me?
Light For Life November 2004
Do you ever struggle with forgiveness? Specifically forgiving ‘you’? I do. Last month I wrote about forgiving others on purpose, I had not planned to write about ‘forgiving myself’ or ' forgiving yourself' this month, but this follows on from that message and its worthwhile considering.
John 3:30 says “He must increase and I must decrease’. How this plays out in our lives, if we take up the challenge may not be all easy or pleasant. This year more than ever, I have been so confronted with my humanity, and that’s why I am feeling so yucky, at what seems every turn. It feels like I am on the increase, not decrease, but really it is the magnifying glass of God’s Light. Every stinking attitude, bad motivation, hurtful word, selfish decision is unveiling before my eyes and it is pretty hard to take for someone who thought she wasn’t doing too bad! The further I walk towards God, the more the holiness of God scrutinizes every area. It is not something that He inflicts on me, it is my choice to walk towards this holiness, it is my desire, and you know what happens when you walk towards the light – all the dirt shows up!
I find it difficult to forgive myself at times, at least recently I have. Perhaps its because I think I should know better; but then God is just reminding me that I am ‘only human’. But Lord, I can think of instances where I feel I have made the bad choices or I have not chosen correctly, isn’t that wilful? Strange as it might sound, sometimes I don’t even feel as if I am moving forward, sometimes I feel I am moving backwards. Am I a Christian at all?
Thing is, I need to forgive me to move forward. I think the key is I need to be willing to let go of things like the way I feel about myself, and that can be a process. If I don’t let go, one thing is for sure, round and round a mountain I will go. I am not perfect and in this lifetime I will never be, but when that imperfection rises to the surface, if I can face it and be willing to let go of it to God then I can keep moving forward.
I read a scripture today that really relates to all this, it gives me some peace in learning to forgive and accept myself in the face of this weakness. Psalm 51:16-17 – ‘For you do not require sacrifice or else I would give it; you do not delight in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit and a contrite heart – these, O God, You will not despise’.
God wants us all to know that the main thing we all we need to have is a broken spirit – humble and repenting. I think we have a broken spirit when we have seen the truth and are changed by it. This is all we can do, and then forgiving ourselves is a matter of grace, of choice and of discipline; after all these flaws are no surprise to our Father who has, and always will love us unconditionally. When I get a grip of that, it frees me up from thinking that this is something new in my life. It is not new, it has probably always been there.
In deciding to hold onto unforgiveness, shame and condemnation we are hindering the work of God in our lives and preventing the flow of the good things He wants to give us. Can we join each other in forgiving ourselves? - Lets make God's job a little easier!
Bless you
Cam
Word For Life
Contrite:
Feeling or expressing pain or sorrow for sins or offences.
Feeling regret for a fault or offence.
God’s Word
Psalm 51:16-17
‘For you do not require sacrifice or else I would give it; you do not delight in burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit and a contrite heart – these, O God, You will not despise’.
Monday, November 01, 2004
Friday, October 01, 2004
Ouch That Hurts... Forgiveness!!!
Ouch that hurt! Forgiveness.
Light For Life October 2004
Forgiveness is something that I sometimes take for granted and don’t really think too much about. It's not so much me asking for forgiveness that I forget, but actually forgiving others! I am a fairly forgiving person and so I automatically feel as if I have forgiven people, going into this mode out of habit rather than forgiving on purpose anyway.
I started thinking about this because of discussion with my kids. Being the regular parents that we are, we are always speaking to our sons about different areas of their lives. It might be folding up their clothes or turning off the television, but as with all kids there is always something. We have been speaking to them about tone of voice, about speaking nicely and how to ask for things and respond to instructions. They tended to snap a lot and answers came out of their mouths in a gruff way, which is not acceptable. As emerging teenagers it is something that is important to get in order. It seems we have been speaking about this for a long time but with only periods of change. We would talk and then things would right themselves for a season and then slip back again. The intention was always good and I could see that efforts were being made toward trying to change but I wondered why we were not seeing lasting change.
One morning we had another one of those grumpy conversations with one of them, which can be normal for kids at this hormonal stage, but it is still no excuse for bad behaviour. As we talked, all of a sudden I realised he needed to forgive us! This is why we had not seem long term change! The 'forgiveness' was not because we have done anything wrong or bad, but because our requests made him angry and so he had internalized his feelings of anger and these had turned to resentment. As we talked, I explained to him how bad feelings that are left alone on the inside of us fester. When we forgive we release people and burdens and that is very important for us, not just the other person.
A few days later I saw another pattern emerging to do with another relationship. I again realised that forgiveness was an issue here; and not because the other person has actually done anything wrong, it was because an 'apple cart' had been upset, things were made difficult, something was required of us and we were peeved!
I often ask for forgiveness, but I don’t often think to pray and say ‘Lord, I forgive such and such, who said something stupid and insensitive to me today and hurt me’. I didn’t think I held grudges! I usually feel annoyed or upset and then work through it, rationalizing it, by saying something like, ‘Oh well, she had no idea, she tends to put her foot in her mouth sometimes, she didn’t hear what she said to you from your side, Lord help me to let it pass'.
Is this actually forgiveness? Working through something till you feel ok is not necessarily forgiving them! After I had talked to my boys about forgiveness several times in a few days, I realised that I too carry these feelings that cause me to react to people in the wrong way. I needed and need to forgive. One of the tell tale signs that you need to forgive can be the sentence that you replay over and over again in your mind and you just can't get past it and let it go.
Is this ringing any bells for you? Perhaps there are people coming to your mind right now that have hurt or upset you, perhaps they have been insensitive and you have let it get down on the inside of you and cause you to ‘react’ to them. Now when something happens to me and I feel hurt, I am trying to be more aware of actually saying ‘Lord I forgive him/her, I don’t hold that against them’. With your sacrifice I wipe that hurt or offence off the board. I hold no scores!’
Who do you need to forgive and release today?
Bless you
Cam
Word For Life
Forgiving:
To do a favour, show kindness unconditionally, give freely, grant forgiveness, forgive freely.
To say or feel that one is no longer angry about and/or wishing to give punishment to someone for something.
God’s Word
Colossians 3:13
Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you must also do.
Light For Life October 2004
Forgiveness is something that I sometimes take for granted and don’t really think too much about. It's not so much me asking for forgiveness that I forget, but actually forgiving others! I am a fairly forgiving person and so I automatically feel as if I have forgiven people, going into this mode out of habit rather than forgiving on purpose anyway.
I started thinking about this because of discussion with my kids. Being the regular parents that we are, we are always speaking to our sons about different areas of their lives. It might be folding up their clothes or turning off the television, but as with all kids there is always something. We have been speaking to them about tone of voice, about speaking nicely and how to ask for things and respond to instructions. They tended to snap a lot and answers came out of their mouths in a gruff way, which is not acceptable. As emerging teenagers it is something that is important to get in order. It seems we have been speaking about this for a long time but with only periods of change. We would talk and then things would right themselves for a season and then slip back again. The intention was always good and I could see that efforts were being made toward trying to change but I wondered why we were not seeing lasting change.
One morning we had another one of those grumpy conversations with one of them, which can be normal for kids at this hormonal stage, but it is still no excuse for bad behaviour. As we talked, all of a sudden I realised he needed to forgive us! This is why we had not seem long term change! The 'forgiveness' was not because we have done anything wrong or bad, but because our requests made him angry and so he had internalized his feelings of anger and these had turned to resentment. As we talked, I explained to him how bad feelings that are left alone on the inside of us fester. When we forgive we release people and burdens and that is very important for us, not just the other person.
A few days later I saw another pattern emerging to do with another relationship. I again realised that forgiveness was an issue here; and not because the other person has actually done anything wrong, it was because an 'apple cart' had been upset, things were made difficult, something was required of us and we were peeved!
I often ask for forgiveness, but I don’t often think to pray and say ‘Lord, I forgive such and such, who said something stupid and insensitive to me today and hurt me’. I didn’t think I held grudges! I usually feel annoyed or upset and then work through it, rationalizing it, by saying something like, ‘Oh well, she had no idea, she tends to put her foot in her mouth sometimes, she didn’t hear what she said to you from your side, Lord help me to let it pass'.
Is this actually forgiveness? Working through something till you feel ok is not necessarily forgiving them! After I had talked to my boys about forgiveness several times in a few days, I realised that I too carry these feelings that cause me to react to people in the wrong way. I needed and need to forgive. One of the tell tale signs that you need to forgive can be the sentence that you replay over and over again in your mind and you just can't get past it and let it go.
Is this ringing any bells for you? Perhaps there are people coming to your mind right now that have hurt or upset you, perhaps they have been insensitive and you have let it get down on the inside of you and cause you to ‘react’ to them. Now when something happens to me and I feel hurt, I am trying to be more aware of actually saying ‘Lord I forgive him/her, I don’t hold that against them’. With your sacrifice I wipe that hurt or offence off the board. I hold no scores!’
Who do you need to forgive and release today?
Bless you
Cam
Word For Life
Forgiving:
To do a favour, show kindness unconditionally, give freely, grant forgiveness, forgive freely.
To say or feel that one is no longer angry about and/or wishing to give punishment to someone for something.
God’s Word
Colossians 3:13
Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you must also do.
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
Never Alone - He is With Me.
Never alone, He is with me...
Light For Life September 2004
God is always with me and I should never feel alone, He is with me now and even to the end of the age. I have been thinking about the fact that He is always with me, even when I don’t realise it. I’ve been thinking how He is with me even when I feel totally alone and isolated. He is with me in the good and the bad times.
He is with me when I am so high and there is no one to whom I can express my joy and deep satisfaction; He is as ecstatic about my situation as I am. Its not just in the good times that this should be comforting, but also in the difficult moments of life. When you go through something that you can't really share with anyone else, or there is no one appropriate to share it with, He is still there. He is with me all the time. Most of the time there is no one else with us, when we have those downs, no one else can understand, there is no one else to share it with – but He is with me. He has been with me throughout the years, every moment in fact. He knows me better than anyone else.
We often feel He is with us in the happy times, and then when we are in the sad, low times we feel like we are alone. It is often easier to know we are not alone in the happy times, we feel comfortable and we feel joyous, but when we are low and there is no one physically with us we feel alone and isolated, no one understands and there is no one who can hear, but He is with us.
I realised that I should take more comfort in this thought than I have been up to date. He is with me always, every day, every minute, every hour, happy, sad, frustrated, fearful, even sinning!
Why is it that I feel more ready to share with Him, when things are good, when things are easy? I can say, “Praise you Lord, Thank you for answering my prayer, I am so happy”. But when I am down or low, I know He is there but I still look for someone to console me!!
Of course we do need someone to console us, but as we grow, we learn to let that someone be God more of the time, we know He is with us. When we are low we can allow ourselves to feel very isolated from others, even when they are physically there they may not know how we are feeling and be totally unaware of the emotion we are experiencing.
It is at those times that we should feel less alone and really feel surrounded, loved and cared for by God. He is the only one who REALLY can be there for us always. He knows every detail so we don’t have to make Him understand where we are at or justify why – He knows why! We can just cry, we can just say it – no explanation needed. He was there when it happened. And, knowing the end from the beginning, who better qualifies to tell us what to do?
He comforts our sorrows for He carried them.
Take comfort today. He is with you in all these moments too.
Word For Life
With:
In the presence of, beside, near, among or including.
God’s Word
Mathew 28:20
And Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.
Bless you
Cam
Light For Life September 2004
God is always with me and I should never feel alone, He is with me now and even to the end of the age. I have been thinking about the fact that He is always with me, even when I don’t realise it. I’ve been thinking how He is with me even when I feel totally alone and isolated. He is with me in the good and the bad times.
He is with me when I am so high and there is no one to whom I can express my joy and deep satisfaction; He is as ecstatic about my situation as I am. Its not just in the good times that this should be comforting, but also in the difficult moments of life. When you go through something that you can't really share with anyone else, or there is no one appropriate to share it with, He is still there. He is with me all the time. Most of the time there is no one else with us, when we have those downs, no one else can understand, there is no one else to share it with – but He is with me. He has been with me throughout the years, every moment in fact. He knows me better than anyone else.
We often feel He is with us in the happy times, and then when we are in the sad, low times we feel like we are alone. It is often easier to know we are not alone in the happy times, we feel comfortable and we feel joyous, but when we are low and there is no one physically with us we feel alone and isolated, no one understands and there is no one who can hear, but He is with us.
I realised that I should take more comfort in this thought than I have been up to date. He is with me always, every day, every minute, every hour, happy, sad, frustrated, fearful, even sinning!
Why is it that I feel more ready to share with Him, when things are good, when things are easy? I can say, “Praise you Lord, Thank you for answering my prayer, I am so happy”. But when I am down or low, I know He is there but I still look for someone to console me!!
Of course we do need someone to console us, but as we grow, we learn to let that someone be God more of the time, we know He is with us. When we are low we can allow ourselves to feel very isolated from others, even when they are physically there they may not know how we are feeling and be totally unaware of the emotion we are experiencing.
It is at those times that we should feel less alone and really feel surrounded, loved and cared for by God. He is the only one who REALLY can be there for us always. He knows every detail so we don’t have to make Him understand where we are at or justify why – He knows why! We can just cry, we can just say it – no explanation needed. He was there when it happened. And, knowing the end from the beginning, who better qualifies to tell us what to do?
He comforts our sorrows for He carried them.
Take comfort today. He is with you in all these moments too.
Word For Life
With:
In the presence of, beside, near, among or including.
God’s Word
Mathew 28:20
And Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.
Bless you
Cam
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