Lord, please help me I cant do it!

Lord please help me, I CAN'T do it!!!!
Light For Life - July 2004 - yep a year ago!

First thing in the morning lying in bed is often a time when we consider where we are at and what we need to do that day; for some people it is a time of regret for the actions of the night before and the things that they might have done! It is not necessarily the best place to
consider these things but inevitably it is a place where we do it.

So, I’m lying in bed, considering my efforts for the previous day; I wasn’t entirely successful again. Once you are on the journey to become more like Jesus, a journey of refinement, these bad behaviours, attitudes and emotions stick out like a sore thumb. This takes away any joy we may feel from the argument ‘won’ or the sense of satisfaction we get in feeling justified for our attitude. Are we really the winner here or have we already lost!?

As I critique the day before I know I didn’t cut it! Phooey, will I ever cut it? It seems I wake up like this often; there is always something. I am talking to God now, ‘Oh Lord, I blew it again’, He doesn’t gloat though He already knows. ‘I am just not winning with my emotions lately, am I so weak? I would have thought by now, that after 20 years of having Jesus in my life and his workings in me, that I would be ‘more than a conqueror’. How could I listen to those stupid thoughts and let my behaviour follow accordingly? Will I ever be able to do it? I just cant seem to do it!!!’ The gentle answer came, “No, you can’t do it’, but I can do it in you.

Revelation: The only way I am supposed to be able to do all things, is through Christ who strengthens me, not by my redeemed behaviour, not by not my prayer life, my input of God’s word, not because I surround myself with good company, not by fasting, not by humility, not because of how long I have been a Christian or anything else. Yes, it is all these things in part, but only by the supernatural grace of God that enables us.

May 2004 was the beginning of the test of my Christian life! I was very confused about what it was really all about. I was struggling to do the thing I thought I was supposed to do, to be the person I knew God wanted me to be and to react the way I should, after 20 years training - with grace, peace, joy, humility, a willing obedience and a spirit of servant hood towards Him, my Master. The shock was I was really struggling, it wasn’t coming easy and I found myself saying ‘I don’t know if I can do this?’, this was unusual. So many lessons to learn, what did God really want me to learn out of it all? Not just one thing I guess, but the crux of it all was that, no, I can’t do it, not without His help.

After one months struggle, I was despairing! How can I be so weak? I was trying all the formulae I knew and it wasn’t working. I called my friend who is also a pastor and my mentor. I went to see her with some expectation that she would bring me some wisdom, guidance and a breakthrough in this area and that was what I got.

She listened to me and then I said to her ‘I can’t do it!’, she looked at me and said ‘That’s right Cam, YOU can’t, only GOD can.’ Praise God, I finally understood, part of this whole lesson was to show me that I couldn’t do it. None of what I said before would help me at this time because the lesson He wanted me to learn was that I can do nothing without Him, only with Him and through Him. What blessed relief! I was not a failure, pathetic, weak, hopeless, at least no more than the rest of us. I was normal! And, now I knew how to do this hard thing, by His empowerment. That is what He wanted me to learn.

How deceived are we, that after even a short time of being a Christian we think we know the way out, the correct response and what we need to do? We are tricked into thinking that it is somehow by DOING them that we will get through. I have learnt that I can do 'love, joy, and peace', some of those things, just because that is my nature but I need to do them in His strength, this will take me through the really tough times. Doing these things, living the fruit of the spirit – love, joy, peace etc, needs to be by being empowered by HIS love, joy, peace, grace, humility - the fruit of the Spirit not the fruit of my efforts. That is how we can finally overcome. Is there something you can't do? Maybe this is the answer for you!

A change and a holiday...

Don't they say that a change is as good as a holiday?

We just got back from a week's break. It was lovely. We didn't do all that much really but it was great. I know it was good because it felt more like a month than a week and I have come home feeling refreshed and as though a page has been turned over. It is always helpful to start a new page in life. So I guess a change is as good as a holiday!

Years ago I heard a saying 'There is no gain without pain', well that seems to be true. Let me just say that I am glad to feel like I am making progress again... Well at least I am on the move. I have come home with some plans to continue to bring balance into my life, better time management etc. Please God help me to stay on track. I started walking again and trying to drink water too, I even ate fruit two days in a row. Now the truth is coming out about me isn't it?

Change and holidays are both good things!

Blog the time away!

I have just spent the last hour blogging! I got home from work feeling motivated to cook dinner early so I cold relax later when the kids get home from school. I got in the door and brought in the shopping and then the phone rang - 10 minutes gone, I had lunch - 10 minutes more gone. What to do? I decided to have some 'quality ME time' and blogged away.

I checked out many different blogs and learnt you do need to be careful cos you don't know what you might see or read. I will employ more care in searching through next time! A lot of people are blogging and I think this is very good - its good to get your thoughts down on paper (well... computers are the new paper aren't they?).

So, heading back into the real world now, or is this the real world. Well it is the real world of my head anyway. Must dash now to go and get my son from school. I typed this whole blog and then lost it somehow.

Until next time...