A slice of heaven on earth...

I'm away at my friend's place in the country this week. It's honestly a little slice of heaven on earth. I came by myself to spend some quiet time reading, writing, perhaps painting, and just getting some alone 'me' time.

Even though I spent the first several days here on my own I still feel as if time keeps on slipping into the future (sounds like a song title doesn't it?) and I am missing using it the way I want even though its me using my time. Always so much to do and so little you know what!

Part of my plan of coming away was to write, to read, to rethink my current life schedule. You do realise we all have a 'life schedule' that keeps us ticking along. It is a good thing but when it gets a  bit lop sided its time to straighten it out again.

I wish I could bend time and squish more into it. I also wish I could just use my time at a pleasant pace and mozy along with it like the flow of a river, no such luck in this day and age! There is always something or someone to push you along like men that lead the dogs that drive snow sleds. What do they say to those doggies?  I think its 'Mush Mush'. My life gets so busy it seems like mush!

So far in trying to streamline my life 'procedures' I think I have somehow successfully added more into my day and taken nothing away from it. This is not what I want. Its like the movie title 'Something's Gotta Give' in the end it does, and if we don't do it for ourselves then somehow it gets done for us, and that is not the desired way to go about this.

Perhaps tomorrow when I wake up is a good time to really go over all of this and see what could give! I am sure there is some way to do it!

~\Cam/~

~When I Need Love~

When I was many years younger I don’t think I knew what it was truly like to feel loved and accepted. I knew my parents loved me but I don’t think they knew how to show it. I was so desperate for love and affection and acceptance and that feeling of peace and safety that we all long for.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family and there wasn’t much peace in that house. I found this love and acceptance in and with other people that God had placed around me at that time, and although I was well into my teens by then, I was still like a little child, hungry for that love and peace, and the space to just be myself and not feel any tension or that I just didn’t meet up to certain standards.

I think this was probably the point at which I transferred my need onto the people that were close around me, not in a horrible ‘needy’ way, but in my dependence on them and feeling secure by them being in my life. And, if they were there for me I guess I felt that acceptance and love that I was craving for…

Perhaps at those times in my life when I felt people may have let me down and walked away from what they had at first given the impression that they cared then maybe that equaled me not being loved or rejection. Even if you grew up in a peaceful loving caring environment, the longing and need in us can be the same…

When the ‘balance’ in your life has been all topsy turvy, especially in the areas of love and peace and acceptance, then many times people will react in all sorts of ways, perhaps similar to how I did and as we grow up we learn the dynamics that are going on in our life, in our world and inside us and then we can ‘right the balance’…

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~Cam Richmond~